Something Old, Something New

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Coming off of a sickness is much like saying goodbye to an old friend, though they can be irritating from time to time, it’s something that’s always there to remind us that we’re still human, and we’re not invincible like we were when we were younger. And though I say this with much knowledge in the ‘sickness’ category, it happens to us all.

In light of the new year, and just getting over a cold, I look back on the Christmas I’ve just had with family and friends. We planned it all year, yet it has come and gone in the blink of an eye, I guess time proceeds the thought process of the human brain, when we have our mind set on one date, that is. A year has come and gone, laughs have been had, tears have been shed, stories have been told and new ones have been made. 2012 has gone away just as fast as the years before, yet it feels much shorter. Is this because I’m getting older? Or just because I now know what it’s like for time to have passed, as I’ve done nothing but sat and watched. I feel as though the ‘simple’ things in life exceed me, yet the more challenging are within grasp. As I sit and watch the time tick by, and moments pass without so much as a word, I’ve realized the hard way, that life indeed is very short, with the passing of another year, we should all ask ourselves. “What have I done in the last year?” And I’m not meaning things that everyone does like pass or fail something. I’m meaning something that you’ll want to remember next year, or something you’ll look back on and wish you could be there again.

For me, this is easy. I know very well where I will want to be next year, I will want to be right back here, surrounded by visiting family and friends, having the time we will forever remember, and will look back on as not just a Christmas with the family. But memories with the family. All the laughs, the good times, and what now has become fond memories. We will look back on this time with joy and fulfillment, as we end a year of what was, and bring in a year of what will be. I’ve only just realized the true meaning of the new year. As we look back, we either wanted 2012 to be over, or never wanted it to end. But honestly, we have no control of it, no matter how bad we want to stay at this one point in time, time carries on without question, and there isn’t a thing we can do about it.

As we are forced to welcome 2013. What will come of it? We won’t know until it happens. We think of each year as a milestone. A single piece in the puzzle of life, that moves on without hindrance of anything that might have happened, be it a tragedy or a triumph, no single moment in life will ever pause the flow of time. Moments that take our breath away, often take our breath away because we either weren’t expecting it, or we were, and now we’re living what we’ve dreamed about so long.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Kind of a view inside my mind, and my thought process. Though I cannot layout how my Brian works on a page of a blog, I can explain my reasoning behind how I come to a conclusion of said thought. Confused yet? Hopefully not. But in we shall go!

What I said earlier, about things that are ‘easy exceeding me yet challenging are in grasp’ well. What I meant by that is. I’ve done nothing with my life in 2012 per say. I’m 17 and not in school. Nor am I about to graduate, this is due to the fact that I’m not in school. I haven’t done any type of schooling since I had been diagnosed almost 4 years ago, and I don’t plan on going back to high school. But rather study for my G.E.D. Sure, mock me all you want, or agree with me, either way, it’s what I’m going to do. Eventually. Okay, so I’ve put off studying for almost the whole year of 2012, call it a bad habit of procrastination, but it is what it is. Also I’m 17 and I don’t have a license, nor a permit, amazing right? What did you want to do when you turned 17? Get your license and get out of the house, right? Though I do agree with the ‘getting out of the house’ part, getting my license is something I’ve been dreading for a while now. Is it because I’m afraid of operating a motorized vehicle that could potentially harm a life if used incorrectly? Or because getting my license will allow me to step into the adulthood that I’ve been so dreadfully postponing for so long? I’m going with a little bit of both.

Yet I, as an amputee, am wanting to play hockey. A sport that some people with both legs can’t even play. Why is this? 80% out of the sheer love for the sport, 10% because I strive on doing that which people declare impossible, or very difficult, and 10% because.. Well, I’ve wanted to do something that I could relate to some people to on a normal base of play. Sure, I can relate to other cancer survivors or amputees, but I’ve always found it hard to relate to someone of the ‘normal’ breed. I’ve never really been one for people my own age. 80% of my friends are above the age of 21and those whom are my age. Don’t share the same interests as me, I feel that hockey could change that. Or perhaps I’ve found someone whom I’ve ‘clicked’ with already, and I just don’t know it. Or maybe I do. Only time will tell.

As you could see, my mind is a strange place. Or is it? Who knows, because I sure don’t.

As the clock strikes 1AM it is time for me to put down the head phones and stop with the blogging, and catch the sleep that so eludes me. For I have to get up in 6 hours to take my beloved grandmother (Aka Grubba) to the airport, and see her off. Yes the end of a Christmas visit is always the worst..

Goodnight to all, and here’s to a great new year!

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