The First Day


So after calming down in my hospital room after surgery. All hooked up to pumps and tubes attached to needles, needles attached to my chest. Over all, a great way to wake up..

It all started to sink in, I finally realized this was reality, and this demon inside me wasn’t going to give up easily, and nether was I. So after becoming conscious enough to sit up in my bed. The machine started to beep. (I don’t think it was right at that second, but I’m going off of pure memory here, cut me a break. Haha) So the pump is beeping, and the thing they tell you to do when the machine beeps. Is to call a nurse in. Well, we did. She comes in and presses some buttons, does some things, and the beeping still won’t stop. Finally I look at the screen on the pump, (something she didn’t do) And it says “Pump blockage” So my mom says. “Is this normal? For it to say this?” The nurse realizes and says “Oh.. No, it’s not.” She checks all the tubes and such, and see’s nothing that resembles a ‘blockage’ So she finally says. “We need to check the port” and sure enough, that was the problem. Apparently, My blood had clotted in the port to quickly, causing the blockage, and causing fluid not to flow. So she leaves, and comes back with a ‘push’ and for those of you who don’t know medical terminology. Or my terminology. A push is a syringe of fluid. And supposedly, this was a supper duper blood thinner, and it would clear the clot. Well, it didn’t, or maybe it did, maybe it wasn’t quick enough. I don’t remember..

So she (the nurse) says. “we’re going to have to change the port needles..” I gave her my half-drugged version of the “Yeah.. Right” look. But sure enough. I had no choice. And let her remove all the bandages and gauze, while I’m still coming off anesthesia. So I was more than happy to work with her. (Sarcasm) So after she clears all the wrappings and dressings off, she puts her hand on my chest, grabs the needle, and pulls..

Now, I’ve never hit anyone. Ever. But at that moment, I reaaaallly wanted to. She pulled the needle out, and I about came off the bed. The pain, I still haven’t felt something that terrible to this day. And that was just one. I had a double port, so two needles could be in me at once. So I could receive chemo, and hydration all at once. Smart, I’ll admit. But that day. Not so smart..

So same thing happened, she pulled, I yelled. And it was done. (Didn’t mean for that to sound so bad. Hahahaha, sorry Mom.) ANYWAYS. After that happened. I needed to be ‘re-accessed’ meaning she had to put two more needles back in the port. If I could have walked. I would have been half way to the elevators by then. But me being drugged, and in tears, just wanted to get better. So I (with approval from my mom) agreed. She leaves to go get needles. And comes back a little to quickly..

As she unwraps the needles. Mom happened to look at the packaging, and it said “1 inch port access needle” or something to that extent. And Mom says. “Woah now. This is to big, the girl in the OR said a quarter inch needle.” And the nurse said “No, this is what we use on toddlers, it will work” I weighed 95 pounds. A toddler is much smaller and covered in fatty rolls. I had nothing between my skin and my port. You could actually see the screws holding the port together, through my skin. That’s how thin I was. But anyways. She, sure enough, pushed them in the port anyways, (it was our first stay in the hospital, we didn’t know any better) When accessing a port, you stretch the skin with two fingers, and push the needle through the skin, into the ‘bubble’ of the port, until you hit the metal back of the port. Well she didn’t get the memo, and kept pushing, thinking the needle would go further. Well, it didn’t and mom finally said enough. The needle they used on toddlers, apparently shrunk, or maybe she was wrong for a change. Because that needle stuck out of the port, and off of my chest, about three, fourths of an Inch.. Yeah, she was wrong.

So, a complaint was filed. And she wasn’t seen again. Haha. The new nurse came in, pulled the needle a different way, and I didn’t feel a thing. Already I liked her. Then, she injected a small amount of numbing agent in my skin. She grabbed the right size needle this time. And pushed it in, also didn’t feel anything. Grabbed a push and flushed the port, it worked. I was unblocked, and accessed correctly. After wrapping up the needles so they won’t move. She left, and we could breathe again..

I started my first chemotherapy treatment at 4:25 AM. And finished 4 hours later. Oh how the fun was just beginning..

Thanks for reading! I promised I wouldn’t stay up to late! Sorry again, Mom!

“Some people, aren’t smart at all.”



2 thoughts on “The First Day

  1. This is not as big a deal as your story, but your needle story reminds me: I got diagnosed with diabetes, when I was 13. After the first few days in the hospital they said it was time for me to give myself my first shot. So, I fill the syringe adn they nurse says that I have to inject into my right arm. Since I’m right handed this was a problem. She said that she would hold my arm for me while I injected. So, I close my arm and just go for it. It didn’t hurt because I I hit her hand not my arm! I didn’t inject too much insulin into her, but it was sweet revenge on the nurse.

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