Life, No Matter How Short. Is Always A Gift.


I’m not to sure where I left off in the midst of my story. The last post was a little off topic, but hey, this is my blog, and if you choose to read it, then thank you, if not, then you’re missing out.

I’m a little fuzzy with my memory tonight, I’m not thinking straight, for I have a lot on my mind. Let me take you back to a part of the treatment, that I remember quite well. Though I was in a hospital, I made quite a few friends throughout my treatment days. Some younger then me, some older. Some I still talk to, some I’ve lost touch with, some doctors and nurses, some patients like me. But two in particular, really stood out to me.

Matthew, was the first. He was 13 years young when I knew him, and he was an amazing kid. He was smart, funny, and a great friend to me and my family whilst we were in the hospital. I remember him wanting to hang out and play Mario-cart racing on the Nintendo system that the hospital had hooked up. The kid would beat me by a mile, literally every race. I’m not sure how he did it, but he was quite the driver. He cheer me up, and made me laugh on several occasions, and always had a kind heart. And I thank him for the great memories we’ve had. He was 13 years young, the day he passed. And though I didn’t know him but a month or so, it felt like I had lost a life long friend. Even though we didn’t get together that often, I greatly cherish the moments I’d had with him.

When we went to his funeral (which was dubbed ‘The Celebration of Life’) well, it was just that. A celebration of life, a slide show of photos played throughout, from the day he was born, till his last days, it wasn’t meant as a gathering of sadness, but when one of my doctors said a few words in his honor, and started crying. It was rough, I think most of the attendance lost it too. You never know the impact someone can have on your life, until they’re no longer around. And boy, does that hold true.

Jayden, is the second. He was 12 I believe. This kid was just destined to be a rock star, played drums like a champ, and again, could whoop me at any Mario game in existence. I remember the day I met Jayden, I had been in the hospital for a couple days already, and he was brought in on an emergency basis. A football injury, I believe. He was brought in because he was hurt playing football, and the doctors found a tumor. So they x-ray him, and come to find out, there isn’t just one. Some on his leg, spine, and lungs. Oh the joy of cancer, as of one tumor isn’t bad enough, try having 10. 20. Even 30. I wouldn’t know about having that many, but I could tell, that even having one is no fun. After the initial shock of being admitted and having a port placed faded away, we finally got to see him, sick as a dog, laying in bed. Just how I was when I first came in.

Weather it was building lego’s, or playing Xbox, we always seem to have something new in common. I had my leg amputated, he had his leg amputated, though his was at the hip, mine wasn’t, he had a bright spirit and a light hearted soul. I remember when I taught him how to pop a wheelie in his wheel chair, once he got the hang of it, nothing could stop him. He’d always ask what I was wearing on my wrist, and where he could get one. (A Livestrong band) One time when I was leaving the hospital to head back home, I wanted to check up on him. We went into his room bearing gifts. I brought 5 Livestrong bands, his brother and sister took some, his mom and dad, and before I realized, they all had one, and he didn’t. So I took mine, of my own wrist, and gave it to him, his to keep for ever. The look on his face was that of pure excitement and joy, amazing that one little wristband could do Something like that. It’s hard to think about but I like to think he still has it on. Yes Jayden was quite the kid, and always looked up to me. I got him into hockey, and it stuck with him, he loved the sport like I did. Jayden was 12 when he passed, just this past thanksgiving, it came out of no where, and he passed as an inspiration to us all. Those whom knew him, will never forget him. I know I sure wont. I miss the kid a ton, and I will honor him as best as I can, carrying on in my hockey career. (Or what soon will be)

Life comes and goes, what takes us 30 years, seems like a blink of an eye. And as cliché as it may sound, we all take it for granted. Focusing on that important job, or the next test you have to take. Yes, these things are important, but are they so important that you forget to actually live and enjoy living? There is a fine line between living and existing. When you live your life, you enjoy living it. Now I’m not saying go skydiving in Vegas at midnight because you may never be able to do it again. But just enjoy the little things, weather it’s taking the long drive home, because you get to see more of the world than you usually do, or maybe something as simple as talking to someone whom means the world to you and cherishing every moment of it, or maybe just watching the sun set from a hilltop. Everyday is a gift, so don’t complain when it isn’t the gift you wanted, is what I always say. But If you have the chance to do that skydiving thing, do it!

Do what you want with your life, you’re lucky enough to have one, so use it as best and as wise as you can. And don’t be selfish, but know your limits.

Kind of a short post tonight, but better then nothing eh? I’m hoping to post more often then I had been previously. Thanks for reading, as always.



Something Old, Something New


Coming off of a sickness is much like saying goodbye to an old friend, though they can be irritating from time to time, it’s something that’s always there to remind us that we’re still human, and we’re not invincible like we were when we were younger. And though I say this with much knowledge in the ‘sickness’ category, it happens to us all.

In light of the new year, and just getting over a cold, I look back on the Christmas I’ve just had with family and friends. We planned it all year, yet it has come and gone in the blink of an eye, I guess time proceeds the thought process of the human brain, when we have our mind set on one date, that is. A year has come and gone, laughs have been had, tears have been shed, stories have been told and new ones have been made. 2012 has gone away just as fast as the years before, yet it feels much shorter. Is this because I’m getting older? Or just because I now know what it’s like for time to have passed, as I’ve done nothing but sat and watched. I feel as though the ‘simple’ things in life exceed me, yet the more challenging are within grasp. As I sit and watch the time tick by, and moments pass without so much as a word, I’ve realized the hard way, that life indeed is very short, with the passing of another year, we should all ask ourselves. “What have I done in the last year?” And I’m not meaning things that everyone does like pass or fail something. I’m meaning something that you’ll want to remember next year, or something you’ll look back on and wish you could be there again.

For me, this is easy. I know very well where I will want to be next year, I will want to be right back here, surrounded by visiting family and friends, having the time we will forever remember, and will look back on as not just a Christmas with the family. But memories with the family. All the laughs, the good times, and what now has become fond memories. We will look back on this time with joy and fulfillment, as we end a year of what was, and bring in a year of what will be. I’ve only just realized the true meaning of the new year. As we look back, we either wanted 2012 to be over, or never wanted it to end. But honestly, we have no control of it, no matter how bad we want to stay at this one point in time, time carries on without question, and there isn’t a thing we can do about it.

As we are forced to welcome 2013. What will come of it? We won’t know until it happens. We think of each year as a milestone. A single piece in the puzzle of life, that moves on without hindrance of anything that might have happened, be it a tragedy or a triumph, no single moment in life will ever pause the flow of time. Moments that take our breath away, often take our breath away because we either weren’t expecting it, or we were, and now we’re living what we’ve dreamed about so long.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Kind of a view inside my mind, and my thought process. Though I cannot layout how my Brian works on a page of a blog, I can explain my reasoning behind how I come to a conclusion of said thought. Confused yet? Hopefully not. But in we shall go!

What I said earlier, about things that are ‘easy exceeding me yet challenging are in grasp’ well. What I meant by that is. I’ve done nothing with my life in 2012 per say. I’m 17 and not in school. Nor am I about to graduate, this is due to the fact that I’m not in school. I haven’t done any type of schooling since I had been diagnosed almost 4 years ago, and I don’t plan on going back to high school. But rather study for my G.E.D. Sure, mock me all you want, or agree with me, either way, it’s what I’m going to do. Eventually. Okay, so I’ve put off studying for almost the whole year of 2012, call it a bad habit of procrastination, but it is what it is. Also I’m 17 and I don’t have a license, nor a permit, amazing right? What did you want to do when you turned 17? Get your license and get out of the house, right? Though I do agree with the ‘getting out of the house’ part, getting my license is something I’ve been dreading for a while now. Is it because I’m afraid of operating a motorized vehicle that could potentially harm a life if used incorrectly? Or because getting my license will allow me to step into the adulthood that I’ve been so dreadfully postponing for so long? I’m going with a little bit of both.

Yet I, as an amputee, am wanting to play hockey. A sport that some people with both legs can’t even play. Why is this? 80% out of the sheer love for the sport, 10% because I strive on doing that which people declare impossible, or very difficult, and 10% because.. Well, I’ve wanted to do something that I could relate to some people to on a normal base of play. Sure, I can relate to other cancer survivors or amputees, but I’ve always found it hard to relate to someone of the ‘normal’ breed. I’ve never really been one for people my own age. 80% of my friends are above the age of 21and those whom are my age. Don’t share the same interests as me, I feel that hockey could change that. Or perhaps I’ve found someone whom I’ve ‘clicked’ with already, and I just don’t know it. Or maybe I do. Only time will tell.

As you could see, my mind is a strange place. Or is it? Who knows, because I sure don’t.

As the clock strikes 1AM it is time for me to put down the head phones and stop with the blogging, and catch the sleep that so eludes me. For I have to get up in 6 hours to take my beloved grandmother (Aka Grubba) to the airport, and see her off. Yes the end of a Christmas visit is always the worst..

Goodnight to all, and here’s to a great new year!